How well do you know yourself?
Welcome to part 5 of my “Kate” series looking at ways a counsellor can help women who are feeling a little lost. It is not only those who have suffered some sort of crisis who may wish to see a counsellor.
Kate is our case study subject and is a 40ish mum of 3, works full time and is feeling lost, as though something is missing, cannot find joy in her life and is fighting with her husband.
In the last article we looked at setting some S M A R T life goals with Kate. It is important that these goals were broken down into small achievable steps so that Kate is able to chart her progress, celebrate successes and reassess and redefine any steps that haven’t worked for her.
Another area I would like to focus on with Kate is to help her define her sense of self. Becoming
aware of and defining who you are and what you stand for can not only provide a sense of confidence in oneself but can also aid in decision making and goal setting. For example if you have a friendship where you feel as though you have to compromise on or hide your true feelings then it may be time to assess the benefits of the friendship. This is not to say that you have to end the friendship but redefining the parameters of the friendship, setting boundaries and only being active in the friendship when you are feeling strong enough to be yourself are all ways in which a sense of self can help you gain confidence in dealing with troublesome areas of your relationships.
Defining a sense of self would start by looking at areas that are important to you such as family, career, self improvement, friendships. Then move onto personal traits which you try to emulate that you feel are important in being the person you want to be such. Such traits could be loyalty, honesty, integrity, caring, respect, authenticity, compassion or empathy. I would then work with Kate to define these words from her world view. What does it mean to Kate to be loyal? How does this impact on her interactions? Are there any times when her loyalty feels compromised? Going through this exercise allows Kate to identify instances where she feels she is not being true to herself. We can then work together to find tools and strategies that enable Kate to live in a way that is congruent with her sense of self.
I would really like you to think about your sense of self. What do you stand for? What are
important traits, qualities and beliefs that you try to live by? Are decisions you make made with this sense of self in mind? Or do you base your decisions on what will make others happy? There is always a compromise that can be made and you always have a choice. They may not be the choices you would like, but, nonetheless, you do have a choice. Having a defined sense of self can help make these decisions and choices a little easier, to ensure you are serving yourself and what is important to you.
If you have any questions in regard to the techniques I am employing with Kate please do not hesitate to contact me – amazeinlife@hotmail.com
Wendy xo
